This shithole of a town may not have much action, but one thing we do have is bowling. The next time you head out to engage in a game or two, follow these handy tips for added fun!

1. Be creative! Most people aim for the pins but with a little muscle you can take out the overhead lights or the scoring monitors.

2. The manager wants you to bowl with one ball at a time? FUCK HIM/HER!! Show off your manliness by sending six or seven torpedoes o' death down that lane. Watch out pins, you fucked with the wrong guy tonight!

3. Jerkoff the Janitor tells you to knock off the tomfoolery? Crack him on the head with a 10-pounder. He won't try that shit again.

4. It's much easier to knock the pins down when you're right in front of them, so run at least 75% of the way down the lane before you let go of that ball. Only pussies bowl from the beginning of the lane.

5. Bring a comically oversized boom box and blast california raisins music. Everyone loves the california raisins, and if they don't they can fucking leave. Bastards.

6. It's fun to fuck up the scoring computers! Try pouring a pitcher of coke into the keypad. If that doesn't work a well placed bowling ball into the screen should do the trick. Remember, it's your RIGHT as an american to do that shit and not have to pay for it.

peace-
rip