This is a list of tips which I have found help me to win verbal battles with some of my least favorite people. It is by no means a complete list, and they may not work for everyone, but it's a good place to get started.

• Tip 1: Believe you are better than who you are trying to degrade. You do not have any kind of spectacular self esteem for this, you just need to believe that the brunt of your agression is a lowlife piece of shit. Arrogance doesn't hurt either.

• Tip 2: Be somewhat intelligent. You don't have to be a genius, you just need to be quick on your feet and ready to counter anything the other person says.

• Tip 3: Do not be afraid to dis yourself as long as the other person is put in the more compromising position due to the dis. If you dis yourself before the other person has a chance to, they will be confused and disoriented. If you call yourself gay, and they had planned on calling you gay, they will either not say it and have to think of something else, or when they say it they will seem like morons. Similar situation to the pretzel thing in Mallrats, as long as you are in control, it really doesn't matter what the personal sacrifice is.

• Tip 4: If your degregation turns into an argument, never give up. Even if you seem beat, one homerun putdown can turn the crowd in your favor and win you friends and influence enemies.

• Tip 5: Have no pride in your family. If someone says something along the lines of, "Yeah I ate your mom out last night", an excellent counter would be, "Well my mom is a fat, ugly whore, I hope you enjoy your case of syphilis." There's simply not much you can say to that, folks.


• Tip 6: Always have at least a equal or greater number of friends around compared to your disee. No matter how good your jokes are, if you are telling them to an audience who is predujiced against you, they will turn against you.

• Tip 7: Along the lines of tip 6, keep the popular opinion in your favor. Get the crowd with you early, and the other person does not stand a chance.

• Tip 8: Do not use disses which are over the head of your audience. If no one understands it, it is a failure, plain and simple.

• Tip 9: Vulgarity, vulgarity, vulgarity. Shock your verbal opponent with something really raw and they won't know how to react. Don't stop at, "I'll kill you", go for the gold with, "I'll slit your throat with a rusty nail, and fuck you till your dead. Then I'll anally rape your girlfriend until she dies too. Listen to Necro if you aren't creative enough for decent morbid humor. Note: This only works on the squeemish, don't try to do it to those on your level of vulgarity, you'll make an ass out of yourself.

• Tip 10: Come up with your own original material. Nothing is worse than hearing someone insult someone else with a played line. It makes them seem unoriginal and uncreative.

• Tip 11: Stick with what you know. If you're like me, and feel the need to degrade multiple people per day, don't hesitate to use the same lines on each person. Even if the audience is the same, as long as the receiver hasn't heard it, it's new to them. Find things that work and use them until they get old.

• Tip 12: Never insult someone to impress others. I see people doing this shit all the time, and it's just plain wrong. Don't dis someone just to look cool in front of your friends, do it because you genuinely hate the person, or at least strongly dislike them. You need to feel the hatred from within you or you will not live up to your full degrading potential.

• Tip 13: Be ready to lose friends if you plan on insulting everyone all the time. You usually look like an ass to others when you are insulting someone else. Sure, they may laugh at the time, but they are really thinking about how pathetic you are that you need to put someone else down just to feel good about yourself.

• Tip 14: Don't insult someone unless they ask for it. Again, you will look like an ass if you go around dissing people unprovoked. Make sure they deserve it. Even if someone has done something to deserve a verbal assault in the past, if they have done nothing lately, leave them be. They'll slip up eventually, and that's when you make your move. Note: Saying something stupid is a perfectly good reason to rip someone apart.

• Tip 15: Never say anthing you are not absolutely sure about, if you are wrong, you will look like a giant retard.

• Tip 16: Last, but certainly not least, timing is EVERYTHING. A great joke 2 seconds too late is nothing compared to a shitty joke with perfect timing.

Now go out and ruin someone's day, you owe it to the world.