So, you're having a little trouble with your girlfriends parents (ex: extremely strict ex-priest father figures)? One of the most helpful things in a relationship, which just adds to the chemistry, is getting her parents to think you're a good guy. However, we all know once you get her out of the house you will both be getting wasted and before long daddy's little girl will be screaming in your bed. This is, of course, essentially the goal. Joining male and female forces, my experienced and esteemed colleagues and I would like to now introduce the secret to unlocking the Ultra-Sketch Dad. It is based on a devised point system. Points are to be redeemed at the most opportune moment, even without the aid of alcohol.

Manners:
- Introducing yourself politely when you call +2
- Calling past 10 pm -5
- Forgetting her name -10
- Asking for, "The girl I like to fuck" -80
- Calling her father, "Sir" +5
- Referring to her mom as, "The Bitch" -20
- Shaking his hand +5
- Flashing him metal as you blast your
music and peel out of the driveway -25
- Opening the car door for her +7
- Letting him know it's because your piece
of shit truck won't open from the inside -50*
(* Note: This is a safety hazard)


Inter-Family Relations:
- Petting the dog +3
- Petting your girlfriend -30*
(* Note: Any physical contact is a bad idea)
- Helping out her younger siblings with video games +10
- Hit on her little sister -75
- Suggest a friendly family board game +15
- Get ripped and cheat -30

Personal Attire:
- Presenting yourself neatly (ironed button down shirts) +5
- Wearing Billabong shirts with BONG in big
bold letters across the front . . . (yeah falcon) -45
- Giving them your cell phone number
and telling them to call whenever +20
- Letting your beeper go off 7 times in the
10 minute time period you are there -20
-Plastic bags hanging out of your pockets -45

Conversation:
- Lie shamelessly about your grades +20
- Get caught lying -25
- Strike up a conversation on the importance
of strick law enforcement +25
- Utter the words, "beer", "sex", or "drugs" -7*
(* Note: even when used for criticizing,
these words spark bad mental images for him
and should not be in your vocabulary)
-Inform him on how you plan on getting
your masters in theology +50
-Disagree on the subject of sports -60*
(*Note: You love his favorite team and
you love them faithfully, this is a must)

Her:
- Compliment her intelligence +10
- Get caught staring at her chest/ass -35
- Buy her a turtleneck +20
- Buy her anything from Victoria's Secret -40
- Come over to help her with her math +15
- Get caught banging her instead: run