1. I will use more drugs.
2. I will get older.
3. I will make any bad habit I have into an even worse habit.
4. I will spend more time sitting and less time standing.
5. I will continue to breathe.
6. I will procrastinate more.
7. I will eat more healthy foods, but I'll pour gravy on them.
8. I'll try to piss outdoors more often.

It's gonna be a tough year trying to accomplish all this, but I think I'll manage. Feel free to share your own.