my feet my arms and my ears and your feet
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 And now it's time for a little something I like to do here on this ludicrously green website known as NorthportSevs, answer questions you never wanted answered. My tool of the day will be evolution, a theory devised by the moderately great Charles Darwin. Even though most of you reading this have taken biology, I'm sure about 95% of you don't actually know how evolution works. Here's a refresher: A species is chillin, not doing much. Then one or more offspring from that species is born mutated. If this mutation is favorable for the environment, that offspring will go on to spread it's mutated genes. If the mutation is not favorable, that offspring dies a horrible mutant death. Like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Eventually after a lot of mutations and fucking, the species evolves, and is no longer the same species it once was. There's a lot more to it than that, but when your audience's average reading level is on par with that of a retarded 6th grader, you can only go so far before you lose them. Anyway, on with the questions. click more to read the rest  |
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Silly Blom, trees are for smoking (not crashing into)
 Blom, Blom, Blom of the Jungle High as he could be Ayeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Watch out for that tree! Blom, Blom, Blom of the Jungle I guess he couldn't see Ayeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Watch out for that tree! When he crashed his car his friends ran far and his cars a wreck who'll pick up the check DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYY Watch out for that tree Blom, Blom, Blom of the jungle Friend to Dave Baxley Ahhh Watch out for that tree Watch out for that (Ahhh) (Oooh) treeeeeee If you've got the itch: George of the Jungle.mp3 |
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Fire!
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 There was a dumpster fire tonight behind the Northport Theater. The fire claimed the lives of two dumpsters (one was killed instantly, and the other suffered injuries which later turned out to be terminal), some shipping palettes, and probably a rat or two, may they all rest peace. A fire truck and a crew of firemen were enlisted to put down the blaze which probably could have been taken care of with a garden hose and a quadriplegic dog. I guess not all firemen can be heroes*. Anyway, this is the second time in a month that the theater has been the target of an attack (the first being a smokebomb set off behind the building). This leads me to the conclusion that there is a conspiracy going on right under our very noses. A conspiracy that would like to see the Northport Theater take a break from it's steady pattern of losing money and declining into a cesspool, and instead burn to the ground. Or it could just be a bunch of jackass kids, but when we're dealing with dealings this sinister, I'm inclined to think otherwise. Anyway, onto the point of this post, I'd like to take a moment to thank whoever may be behind it for doing it, you got me out of work early, and for that you are a saint, albeit a sinister saint. Actually, what am I talking about, I love my job, I get paid to eat popcorn and drink soda. Fuck you dumpster derelicts, may you rot in a shallow grave. *No offense to the firemen involved, they did their job nobly, and I know if I don't include this I'll get about 20 emails telling me I'm communist scum or something of that order. |
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We live in a society of voyeurs and exhibitionists. Now before I go any further, dont worry. This isnt a post putting down the USA and american society. Everyone loves and partakes in voyeurism. Whether it be the sly guy with the dark sunglasses at the beach, secretly staring at the tight young bodies in bikinis, or voyeurism to the extreme such as internet voyeur toiletcams, or even worse, installing a toiletcam yourself for your own private use. These ideals go back to the days of Hitchcocks "Rear Window", and probably since the dawn of time. click more to read the rest 