This past Thursday, April 28th, three of the loudest mother fuckers of rock came by the party hard city of Poughkeepsie New York. Phil Campbell, Mikkey Dee, and god a.k.a. Lemmy Kilmister all together form the legendary Motörhead, who succesfully murdered my ear drums that thursday night. And fuck yes I enjoyed it.   click more to read the rest  

Illbill Keepen it real word up to my gang. BOngo man
should be The Run for Town bord it would be madd
funny

New poll up. It, like all other polls on this pile of crap we call a website, is purely hypothetical in nature (But hey, if the shoe fits...). Also, due to our strong personal convictions, we wish to stress that this poll in no way endorses a belief in the occult.

Last poll showed that most people like to stand up when they're done with their dirty work. So what does this mean for you sitters out there? Well it means you can go hang out with Greenday and be your minority selves... because that's what minorities do... I think. If you don't wipe? You're A OK in my books, buddy.

Many a good time.

I read the forums, and I see a lot of anger. People with pent up rage expressing it on a keyboard. I suppose in that fashion the forums provide some kind of useful tool in allowing people to cope with their emotions through words rather than actions, but what I don't understand is where all this agression comes from in the first place. Perhaps some of you just feign the anger in order to rile others up, and if this is the case, I commend you. I mean, I enjoy provoking ignorance manifested in anger as much as the next fellow, but it gets old, enough is enough.

Sadly, it seems to me that the majority of the discontent is genuine like leather, and it worries me. Honestly, what's to be angry about? Oh, did someone make fun of your friend? Shut up, they're right, your friend is a loser, the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on. Did someone trivialize all you believe in and stand for? Of course they did, you're living a lie, someone was gonna point it out sooner or later. Did someone say something bad about your car? Well, I know for a FACT that your car is a piece of shit and so are you. In fact, we're all pieces of shit, even Santa Claus.

Honestly folks, we're all going to die someday, and wouldn't you rather be doing something that you can look back on favorably, rather than arguing about nothing? I don't know about you, but I would. Anyway, I'm gonna go masturbate. After all, it's delicious and nutritious.

Mmmmm baby. Aint nothing better than havin a good time with yourself now am I right or am I right? Being in your own world, letting your mind race, your brain and hands in perfect unison. The intenstity builds, your face strains, and then, AND THEN, AHHH an EXPLOSION!!!

Awesome, beat a level of Super Mario World on GBA.   click more to read the rest  

Everyones a little bit Irish on St. Patrick's Day, and everyone's a little bit high on 4/20. Potheads and even non-potheads alike joined together to smoke sweet mary jane in celebration of Jah, I think. But in the spirit of the day I'd have to say that like the friend with lots of money, lathum lumber yard smoked out the town. For blocks and blocks the smoke was choking the throats from all those burning trees. Now who or what sparked this beast I don't really know, maybe some of you boring wastes of space can leave their two bits on this subject. The likelihood is that it will be false information, trying to make some sort of funny joke that falls far short of hilarity, or maybe it's just drunk/high rambling, either way, ehhh. fuck it. who cares? I'm already bored of this detective work. I just wish I had some marshmellows or perhaps other smore ingredients and about a 90 ft. pole with which to roast with. The next subject I'd like to address with my article is the insane amount of slack-jawed gawkers that roamed in drobes of hundreds to see the flames shoot 4 stories in the air. 10 year olds running down the roads on foot, 14 year olds riding their bikes, 41 year olds staring with craned necks, 52 year olds in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated... and it goes on like this. All in all, it was a fun night for everyone... well, everyone who doesn't own a lumber yard or an indoor roller hockey rink.

For those who havent heard the news, early yesterday morning a US Air Force F-16 dropped a 500-pound bomb on friendly Canadian soldiers who were in the middle of a training mission. Four Canadian soldiers were killed, 8 severly wounded.   click more to read the rest  

The other day an email came in my box:

To: webmaster@northportsevs.com
Subject: Reported post from NorthportSevs [forums]

MamaLisa ( Bluesymama@aol.com ) has reported this thread:
Cops rally at Dunkin Donuts
http://northportsevs.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=960

This is the reason that the user gave:

Please remove this ridiculous post...
It is rude.....and insulting. Not to mention wrong. Thank you.

Burping at the dinner table without saying "excuse me" is rude; a story about Chris Hart getting caught with Viagra in his pocket is not. Mama, you should consider purchasing a dictionary. And as anyone who knows the philosophy of Sevs knows, we do our best not to censor anything, only in the case of illegalities like child porn or someone abusing the system do we delete or otherwise modify a post on the forums. Anyway, here's the reply I sent:

To: Bluesymama@aol.com
Subject: No

You are rude and insulting, not to mention wrong. Take your censorship somewhere else.

Yawn. Nothing special, but I'm a particular fan of the reply to that:

Subject: Webmaster???
To: webmaster@northportsevs.com

You are very rude, especially towards an adult. I asked nicely for this nonsense to be removed. Figures...Write what you want, about whomever you want, however, that crap is about my family, and I am not wrong, and I have a right to ask for it to be removed.
It is slanderous, and it's bullshit. What kind of webmaster are you? a master of webbing lies? Want a law suit?

slander (n): The defaming a man in his reputation by speaking or writing words which affect his life, office, or trade, or which tend to his loss of preferment in marriage or service, or in his inheritance, or which occasion any other particular damage.
bull•shit (n): usually vulgar: NONSENSE; especially: foolish insolent talk

Bullshit? Sure, but 90% of everything is bullshit. Slander? Nah, I don't really think so, ma'am. It's unlikely that you could make a case based on slander (in addition to it not actually being slander, I didn't write it and as far as I know it's true), but if you'd like to sue me on account of bullshit, please do. I called my lawyer, and he said he was pretty bored at the moment, so whenever you're ready, so are we.

I'll keep everyone informed on the story as it unfolds. Hopefully they actually follow through and sue me for every penny I'm worth (all 5 of 'em).

- Your personal master of webbing lies, The Baron

The scorpion is being sent out to pasture to sting the masses. If you didn't know it did break, the pictures are of it after it was repaired. The horn got knocked clean off and the crack went around the circumference of the tube by the lover part of the thumb print. The glue is very strong and the bong works and looks like it never broke. I am asking 150 for it. For those of you who are not familiar with the scorp it is 21 inches tall and the diameter of the tube is 52mm instead of the standard 50mm which makes for the quality rip. If you are interested drop me a line. SOLD
Aim: moocow621 E-Mail: moocow11@optonline.net

It seems like everytime we get some momentum on the front page we just stumble again and wind up with a week of no new posts. From now on, I'll try to find something new to post at least every other day, even if it's just a half-baked rant or something. I'm one for quality over quanitity, but great discussions can come from crappy posts, so I'm going to try to rely on that factor a little more in the future. Hopefully the other editors will contribute from time to time, and add some diversity to der frontpagen as well. Now, onto the reason I made this post in the first place: the new poll. Yeah, over to your right... a little more, nope, go back a bit... there you go. Anway, vote on it, because if you don't, I'll slit your achilles tendons, and ruin your life. The last poll clearly showed that code red is the drink of the people. There were a surprising number (to me at least) of you who don't like Mountain Dew in any variety though, and I have to honestly say that that surprised me, surprisingly. Now go read the forums, there's a lot of idiots there, and idiots = comedy, so it's a good thing.

The Cowbell. An instrument often underappreciated, and as far as I'm concerned, almost always underused. I don't really know what it's original use was (probably had something to do with coal mining), but whoever first thought to use it as a mustical instrument is truly a God among men. When struck with a small mallet (or mallet-like object) the sound it produces is like no other. There's enough thump to get you through the night, but there's that slight clang that just gets your juices going. It's use is often so subtle, that you hardly notice it, but when brought out into the spotlight, it can really take over a song bring it to whole other levels.

One of the premiere bands that incorporate the cowbell is Fleetwood Mac. Now, we all know Fleetwood Mac rocks hard, but have you ever thought about why? Well, the answer, as you may have already guessed (and if you didn't, you should start considering suidcide as one of your future plans), is the cowbell. Where would Fleetwood Mac be today if they never used the cowbell? Go ahead, take your time, think about it.

Ha! It was a trick question, asshole. Fleetwood Mac's heart and soul is the cowbell. Without it, there would be no Fleetwood Mac (so it's a lie, shoot me). Now, Fleetwood Mac is not the only band to uncover the true potential of the cowbell, there are also several others. First off, we have War, who's excellent use of offbeat cowbelling made "The Low Rider" an instant classic. Mountain was all out of ideas for an intro to "Mississippi Queen", when someone suggested the cowbell, and BAM! instant gold. Last, but not least, is perhaps the most famous cowbell song, "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult. Saturday Night Live did a sketch poking a little fun at the use of the cowbell in the song, but however misguided it was, I say we let them slide, because it was pretty damn funny.

Now, these are all classic songs, and you're probably wondering where the cowbell shows up in modern music. It doesn't, and quite frankly, I'm convinced that's why music is in the sorry state that it is today. Example: N*Sync is horrible right? But N*Sync with a cowbell? Yeah, still horrible, but let's be realistic here, the cowbell isn't Jesus Christ, it's just a piece of formed metal. I know there's a lot of you out there with bands, but I doubt any of you have even thought about using a cowbell. You want to be cool? You want to not be losers? Well you can cram it with wallnuts, ugly, because it's not gonna happen until you submit to the glory of the cowbell.

Anyway, I think we should all just pay a little respect to one of the hardest working instruments in the biz, that gets almost no credit. And without further adieu, I leave you with a musical number by the great Blue Oyster Cult, who will be playing May 4th at the Huntington IMAC, where I'll be in attendance... suckers.

• BOC - Don't Fear the Reaper

edit: I originally said BTO's version of "Mississippi Queen" used the cowbell, but it was actually Mountain's. Thanks to Leonard.