If you're looking for parties or something, you are sad. There are nothing but parties tonight, if you can't find at least one, you really need to take a long walk off a short unfinished bridge and get devoured by some trolls or something. And for that matter, what the hell are you doing checking the internet when you should be out abusing your substance of choice? Anyway, Happy New Year's.

The Glassware section is now updated. Go Look if you are feeling saucy.

Keep it real this holiday weekend and make some noise since that is what gary coleman would do.

From,
illbill

As many of you well know, Northport has a decent population of videographers, especially in high school. Video is so popular with high school/college kids in Northport because of one man, the late Bob Mondanaro. Whether you had him as a teacher or not, Mondo affected you because he made Northport’s video program what it is today. Yea I know, a lot of you might say that’s not much, but what schools do you know of have a video class for each year in high school?? Whether you’re a complete slacker or your bustin your balls on the shitty linear editors, video is an ill class.   click more to read the rest  

Greetings homos (homo sapians that is, because otherwise I'd be calling you gay, and that'd be a terrible thing, because gay people are inherently evil and are going to burn in hell and make baby jesus cry... and stuff). We changed the poll as you may have noticed, and we'd appreciate some feedback. If we do make shirts and stickers, they will be awesome quality, and have some really sweet designs and/or slogans. Shirts would be sevs green with a full color sevs logo on front and maybe some other stuff, if we decide to make them, we'll have another poll where you get to choose what you like best. Stickers would probably be black and white or green and white bumper sticker-sized. Why only 2 colors? It's because multi-color stickers cost a lot, and to break even on them, the prices would be silly. If you think you might buy something, but aren't sure, vote for only if the prices are really cheap, that's about as close to a maybe answer as you can get.

Whatever you choose though, just fucking vote. There's no pop-up windows or registration or any bullshit, it's just a matter of selecting a choice and clicking vote, for the love of god.

The last poll showed that a lot of you like beer pong, but in a not too distant second were the people who don't need games to drink. Sorry to those of you whose favorite drinking game was not represented, We here at Sevs don't really play drinking games, so we just tried our best.

Premieres December 19, 9/8c

MC Hammer was so successful he had a dishwasher installed in his bedroom to clean up his midnight snacks. So how did the "U Can't Touch This" superstar end up declaring bankruptcy in 1996? Too Legit brings the former Stanley Burrell's remarkable story of baseball, big trousers, and Saturday-morning cartoon series to the small screen,

this movie looks like a must see since it documents Mc hammers rise to fame and his painfull downfall. The only problum is that the guy who looks like hammer is a weiner kid. my favorite line in the movie is when Hammer said " you dont think iam legit"

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Got this in my mailbox today, I ordered a lifetime supply. I mean, 13 feet? I could become a fireman and I wouldn't even need water. Remember, if you read it on the internet it must be true.

Today's ladies love to work on their profiles. The disenfranchised youth of america that want their mtv, need to provide shoutouts to their girls and boys. The littlest detail can not be left out, and each detail must make no sense to anyone, not even the people that are insiders on the joke. Secondly, each girl must use the least contrasting colors in their profiles, so that it is impossible to read what the hell they are saying, they use a yellow background with yellow font, and only under highest magnification can you decypher their words. Lastly, it is a sin to write in anything but alternating case, it won't have anything to do with anything, but do girls ever make sense? I dont think so.
hErE aRe SoMe ExAmPleZ!!!(ughhhhhhh)

A random name, if it exists, it's by chance and it should figure because girls would have a weird name like this.

profile for: LiLQtPie31

hEy GIrlz!!! WaTs uP bABEZ 143!!!!!!!1

jOn JoN- luv lA LoTz 143 bff!!!!!!
CaRRiE- DBFF!!!! PENuT Buter AND sALAMi !!!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!
I <3 RyaN!!!!1 143 hoT DogZ heehee!!!!! luv ya BABE
JAbberWockY Galz!!1 DBFFTDDUP

if you or anyone you know suffers from "BOY BAND LOVING, Random AOL PROFILE SYNDROME" please post profiles or excerpts of profiles that you may see. God save you all that experience these all the time, you truly are heroes, unless you are a girl and make these, then I have no clue what you are. Wrong again, I know what you are, you are girls, the most unreasonable and un-uhh figure-out-able creatures on God's earth.

"1- They taste great with cheese cloth
2- They look amazing with any outfit, especially my clown suit I use for the 10:00 shows.
3- You can't ask for a better person to play Dream Phone with.
4- They never bring up my incessant stuttering problem.
5- They don't mind changing my diapers occasionally.
6- Little men are an excellent source of protein as well as vitamen C.
7- Their furry exterior tickles my insides and makes me feel warm and fuzzy all over.
8- Nothing beats Friday nights chillin with the fUr-bOYEEZZ- REPRESENT!
9-They are the only people I have ever met that also like sushi and peanutbutter on garlic bread.
10- Lastly . . . I can fit like three in at one time"

If anyone else shares Lauren's appreciation for the furry ones please feel to share your favorite aspects of the little guys. Actually don't.

-De La Soul - AOI BIONIX
-Busta Ryhmes - Genesis
-DMX - The Great Depression
-Royce Da 5'9 - Rock City
-Red Man And Methodman - How High Soundtrack
-Big L - Harmlems Finest (Freestyles)

Well to start off, De La Soul. De La is comming back from with thier second installment of AOI, and it's gonna be pretty hard to top ooo in the charts. First off, De La keeps the beats all smooth and good for your car, and has good pace, not too fast, not too slow, and most importantly, keeps every song different, and nothing gets repetitive. Well one thing gets repetetive... the reverend do good skits. I won't even explain that, just skip it when you come across it. If you're not into old school rap, like about stories and crap, then skip this cd. Most songs are seen childish to some hardcore hip hop lovers, mostly those who like cage. De La ryhmes about girls loving thier body, to keeping it real with god. Some songs I love, just because the beats is up there. I recommend listening to Pawn Star and Watch Out. I give this cd a 6/10.

Next up is Busta Bust, with his new shit Genesis. I was disapointed, I'll give Busta the credit for Break Ya Neck, Cuz you fucking blast that and you can't stop your head from movin, but his other shit is all freaky and techno like. Its not as much hip hop as a rap/rock hybrid with no instruments. Wierd beats, not traditional. I recommend this shit to anyone who likes Violator, cuz its Busta. I give it a 4/10.

DMX always amazes me. I was expecting shit to be same on his new album, but damn it ain't all we right here wanna bes. Shit gets real although to sentimental for me, For example Miss You and When Im Nothing, not that its deep, cuz X is deep, its just too light, like r and b, doesn't match his style to well. Damien 3 is tight, and school street and bloodline anthem is great to listen for aggresive sports like football, lax, hockey, ect.. I give this album an 8/10.

Fuck You Nickel Nine was what I was thinking when I heard Royce Da 5'9's new album. Damn. DAMN. I was expecting somethign very real and true cuz royce is all underground and shit. Well basically FUCK THAT IDEA. Royce goes with a west coast sell out im commercial rap attitude which rips his style so bad. I'll give credit to two songs... Life and My Friend, keeps it real, aint that commercial shit, I think hes just appealing cuz this cat wants money. I give a 3/10. Man what happened.

Red Man And Method Man How High Soundtrack. Just pure genius, not only is this movie gonna be the shit, but this soundtrack's mad tight. With some old hits as well as about 6 new ones, it keeps it going. Returning is Party Up, DMX, N 2 Gether, w/ Limp Bizkit, Da Rockwilder, MM and RM, and Whats your Fantasy, Ludacris. How High Is new shit and mad tight, Who Wanna Rap keeps it real like back in the early Wu Tang Days. I give this shit 8/10. Its worth the $.

Big L is still spitting, though his quality is still 3rd class. It sounds like someone taped this with a tape recorder, like off the street. Even though it clocks in at 35 min, alot of stuff you can listen to over and over, not like Necro where its buy it and sell it, I' got to give props on Back 2 Back, with Jay Z, shit sounds rehearsed its so good, and Jay Z just gives it that high quality feel, keeps it smooth for 4 min, and hard pack jsut adds to the cd, with 10 songs its a decent investment, 7/10

Reviewed by: illbillrocks

New poll is up, so vote on it, you piece of shit. Thanks to Swanburg for the topic, it was he who pushed for it. Last poll proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that the youth of Northport likes nuts, and I don't think anyone can blame them. After all, aren't nuts what make the world go 'round? Or was that the Candyman's nuts or something? Well, whatever. We're also looking for someone to write a review about the show at Raps' house, we're kinda curious as to what went down. So post that shit on the forums, or send it in e-mailular form. Smoke dust, shoot cops, or something.

An hour ago I was at a show rocking out to some bands. The headlining act was ex-Misfits lead singer Michale Graves new band Graves (kinda wierd how Danzig has a band named Danzig and now Graves has Graves). The band also features ex-Misfits drummer Dr. Chud. The other bands were Murphy's Law (NYHC), The Vigilantes (Boston punk), and The River City Rebels (kinda ska, I wasn't into it). The Vigilantes opened with a damn good set to get everyone going. The River City Rebels came up next and I liked them when the horns weren't blowing. I felt the horns took away from it. Murphy's Law followed them and got the whole crowd going. This is when the pit finally got good. I was in there doing my thing. Damn good time. After a long pause to do sound checks and whatnot, Graves finally came on. Keeping the Misfits-type image Michale Graves came out with half of his face painted like a skull. They played about half new stuff, and half off of American Psycho and Famous Monsters. I felt the highlights of his show were "Saturday Night" and "Dig Up Her Bones".
All in all it was a fun night filled with some good tunes and a decent pit. Rock on.

Reviewed by: LEONARD SKINNER

It seems as if InsideAlex has closed it's doors. Whether you liked the site or not, it was one of the original Northport sites, and you can't take that away from it. Good luck with your girlfriend, or your car, or 631 or whatever you wind up doing, Alex, because lord knows anything is better than running a website. There's not many other activities out there where you can work this hard, get paid nothing, get no sex out of the deal, and generally wind up with nothing but complaints and headaches. Fortunately people are starting to post some decent pics on the forums though, so it's all worth it.

As a great Mere once said: Sometimes you hit the bong, and sometimes the bong hits you.

I just would like to call your attention to the forums, as they have been out of control lately. They are generating enough traffic to slow the site to a crawl during its most active periods. I don't know what the ratio is of people who read the just the main page, to people who read both the forums and the main page, but for those of you who don't frequent the forums, go there now, there's a lot of good posts to entertain you. Here's a few that I like...

• Party Pics best forum post yet, without a doubt
• michelle scarpinhoto is soooooo fuckin dope, i would eat her shit.......... (whoever started it had awesome spelling)
• Smoothest Guys
• What are you listening to right now?

And don't forget to click on next > when you reach the bottom of a post, many posts are several pages long, and get better as they go on.

Since we were children, we have always been taught that Santa is a kind and benevolent manifestation of all that is good about Christmas. He makes toys of children, he employs freaks to lead his sleigh pulling team, and even married a fatty. Seems like a pretty good guy, right? WRONG! I've compiled a little list of all the things that I think shows how Santa is not really the nice guy he says he is, but a dangerous creeper who poses a threat to little kids world wide.

1. Santa sneeks into houses in the middle of the night.
2. He uses the chimney to avoid the alarm system.
3. He eats your cookies and milk and doesn't even leave a thank you note.
4. He has hundreds of little children a day sit on his lap and tell him their most intimate desires.
5. Santa keeps elves in his sweatshop at the North Pole where there is no hope for escape or rescue.
6. He gives presents to little children so that they will love him and continue coming back year after year even though they know how wrong and dirty it is. This is how child molesters work too, except Santa has a sleigh instead of a van.
7. He has a giant beard. The only other people known to have giant beards are wizards and Hell's Angels, and I don't think he's a wizard.
8. Santa uses an endangered species to pull his "magical" sleigh. By some estimates, he forces them to travel up to mach 3. This cannot be healthy for the animals.
9. He works one day a year. He spends the rest of his time vacationing at orphanages taking advantage of little boys.
10. He made out with your mom.

Now anyone other than Santa who did this kind of stuff would be locked up and the key would be tossed in the incinerator where it would be turned into ozone depleting smog (and to think, we used to just throw the key away). Santa has less in common with good creatures like the tooth fairy and the great pumpkin, and more in common with a Catholic priest. But instead of condemnation, we praise him as if he was a god among men. In turn, I am going to start the anti-Santa coalition. Leave a comment if you want to help me in my crusade to spread the word about this menace to society. I also want to know about any other suspicious activities you have seen Santa taking part in, we need cold hard evidence to get him off the streets and into the electric chair.

Every now and then, a movie clip is distributed on the internet that is just too priceless to not have millions of people witness. Playa Haters, Mulleted Youth of America, and Powerhungry Bananas beware. Ladies and Gentleman... I present the future.

After the forums being slow as shit for a while, and then down last night, I put them back up and the speed seems to be back up to normal. Word.

Note: this is a little out of season, but you can make due.

Want to throw a happening BBQ? Then you should start with the most basic element of the BBQ, the food. There are many types of food you can serve at a BBQ: steak, chicken, shish-ka-bobs, hot dogs, or pretty much anything that can be grilled. Even with all these choices, I consider the hamburger to be the holy grail of fire cooked food. Making the perfect hamburger is a fine art which few ever attain, the ideal burger being subjective in itself. Follow these instructions however and you will be sure to keep your guests, as well as your stomach, happy.

The perfect hamburger (with onions)

Materials
• Outdoor BBQ grill (charcoal preferred, but gas is acceptable)
• BBQ'ing tools (ie. spatula, grill scraper, lighter, etc.)
• Beer/your alcohol of choice (for the guests, not the burgers)
• Plates (often overlooked, but important)
• A sharp knife
• A clean countertop (to make the burgers on)
• Something to spread mayo (knife, spoon, whatever)

Ingredients
• ground beef (1 lbs. makes 3 burgers)
• 1 onion
• american cheese
• quality buns (ie. Martin's Potato Bread Hamburger buns or Marty's BIG Sesame Seed Hamburger buns)
Optional:
• salt & pepper
• Heinz ketchup
• Hellmann's mayonnaise
• Claussen "burger slices" pickles (dill flavor recommended)
• lettuce
• tomato

Preparation
A very important part of the perfect burger, because if you fuck up here, there's nothing you can do to save it later on. It's hard to fuck up though, so don't worry too much, Corky, you can do it!

1. First, dice your onion into small (approx. 1/4 inch cubes) onion bits using your knife. TIP: The sharper the knife, the less you will cry (unless of course you cut yourself, in which case, the amount of crying is completely up to you).
If you are having trouble try cutting the bottom end of the onion off then make 4 evenly spaced parallel slits vertically on the onion (make sure you do not go all the way to the top, you want the onion to still be in one piece). Turn the onion 90° so that the top stays in the same place, and make 4 new slits so that now the bottom of the onion looks like a grid. Cut the onion horizontally from the bottom in 1/4 inch intervals and you should now have a lot of small onion cubes.

2. Knead a liberal amount (as opposed to a conservative amount I suppose) of onion cubes into the ground beef. Make sure they are evenly distributed.
Be sure to have clean hands and a clean countertop before you begin or you could contaminate someone with AIDS or something

3. Divide the beef/onion mix into 1/3 pound chunks.
# of chunks = pounds of beef originally / 3

4. Push these chunks into flat patties. Make them no more than 1/2 inch thick. TIP: When burgers grill they become thicker and shrink in diameter, so be sure to account for this when preparing the patties

5. Clean up the excess onions and cow blood now. If you try to clean after you are done grilling, your kitchen will already smell like shit and will stay that way even after you clean.

Keep reading, you know you can't stop now. It'd be like zipping up and walking away in the middle of a piss. You'd get piss all over yourself, you wet-crotched loser!   click more to read the rest