The time has come again for another split poll, one for things with a penis, one for those without. Try to vote within your gender lines, as you really aren't going to gain anything by fixing the vote on a website devoted to a small Long Island town. The last poll showed that the majority of those that voted think bigger is better. I wonder if the results would have been the same had we made it about anal probes instead of being ambiguous.

Now what you're all dying to know: When are the forums going to be open? Short Answer: I don't know. Long Answer: We're having some trouble getting onto the new server, and I wanted to get that out of the way before we reopened the forums. I'm trying as hard as I can to get the forums back up in a speedy manner, but I can't give any kind of concrete date on when that will be. Just try to hang in there.

Today I went to east coast psyadelics with my crew. Its full of crazy cool stuff. Well i became friends with this old skool rapper who liked vanilla ice and he started to freestyle to the music in the background. then i busted some of my most kicken moves in years. then out of no where this hippy guy with 5 ft braids started dancing and this other guy played the bongos like their was no tomorow. this went on for like 10 min and it scared some customers.

So, you're having a little trouble with your girlfriends parents (ex: extremely strict ex-priest father figures)? One of the most helpful things in a relationship, which just adds to the chemistry, is getting her parents to think you're a good guy. However, we all know once you get her out of the house you will both be getting wasted and before long daddy's little girl will be screaming in your bed. This is, of course, essentially the goal. Joining male and female forces, my experienced and esteemed colleagues and I would like to now introduce the secret to unlocking the Ultra-Sketch Dad. It is based on a devised point system. Points are to be redeemed at the most opportune moment, even without the aid of alcohol.   click more to read the rest  

I just wanted to share with you fine folks a little program I picked up in my quest to quell the demon that is AOL instant messenger. Everyone has it, everyone uses it, it does it's job dependably, and most importantly it's free. Why then, you ask, is it a demon? Well, it's not, but I just saw Lord of the Rings and I'm all hopped up on shitty writing. Anyway, back to the point: DeadAIM, a program which has made my "online experience" (similar to the Jimi Hendrix Experience, only with less acid) a little more pleasureable. Basically what it does is get rid of all the ads and wasted space that you've come to know and love in your buddy list. It works with AIM version 4.0 or greater, and like a charm I might add (If you have a version lower than 4, I don't even think there were ads, so you wouldn't need it anyway). Just download the zip, and follow the instructions in the readme file contained within. If this is over your head, tough, I'm not gonna teach you how to use winzip and windows explorer.

Before: (shitty)

After: (less shitty)

Download: DeadAIM (win9x/2k/xp only, sorry mac users)
note: I didn't write this program, so don't come to me if it fucks anything up, use it at your own risk.

The Baron is a k bumper and a bunch of editors are away doing fun shit, so don't start to whine and worry, the forums are in the process of getting a facelift and a boobjob, and will be back hotter than ever. Just wait it out, go out and get some sunshine before you return to the dark hole where your computer resides.

It is winter again. With this timely change of season comes Drugs that go up your nose. I do not know why, I personally do not partake in it but I have noticed a steady pattern of snorting things and winter. If you or someone you know has noticed this drug fending phenomenon please post comments.

Usually I like to stay away from just linking to content on other sites, but I'm gonna make an exception for today. The Guerilla News Network is one of the sites which I visit daily. It always has a shitload of original content, and gets updated often. It's strictly anti-government, anti-big business, so you republicans out there need not apply. One of the the best parts of the site are news videos that they produce. These are 3 minute or so documentaries that are really well done, from the relevant interviews to the sweet editing. All of them (there's about 10 so far) are worth checking out, but one in particular that is really good is Crack the CIA. It is about how the CIA is heavily involved with the smuggling of drugs into America. It recently won some audience awards at Sundance, and I'm glad to see the boys at GNN getting some recognition.

"...there is no such thing as the War On Drugs, there never has been and there never will be." -Cele Castillo Former DEA Agent

Crack the CIA
Connecting the dots between drug traffic and the CIA
video links are on the top right

one day I saw a movie in computer art Class it was called the Labyrith. It was a movie that had David Bowie steal this baby and brought him to this magical kingdom of muppets that danced. this really pissed off a babysitter since with out the baby the girl wouldnt get paied for the night. eventually david bowie ended up in a leather suit as he sung DAnce Magic Dance one of my favorite songs from the mid 80's with all thes mupets that danced. after i saw that dance number it convinced me into building my own labyrith and fill it with muppets and train them to dance. if u want to look more into this movie visit http://www.angelfire.com/la2/withinyourheart/

Alright, I'm no pothead. I'm not the smartest kid around. I'm no tool of the conformity factory we go to every day either. And I know many of you are already aware of this subject. Many of you may just believe what your teachers and TV tells you. But I will just say this. END THE MOTHER FUCKIN WAR ON DRUGS!!! ITS POINTLESS

I don't like to rip from other peoples writings (webpages, books, magazines,etc.) so all I'm going to tell you is pick up the February issue of Maxim magazine. If you don't want to buy it, read pages 120-126 in hudson news while waiting for your train or something. The geniuses at Maxim wrote a really good article about the United States' war on drugs. Read up. Memorize it and lecture your parents next time they catch you smokin a doob. I'll just leave you with a few statistics from this article.
-Rank of Marijuana, among all U.S. cash crops: #1
-Estimated annual sales of Marijuana in the U.S.: $32 Billion
-Sales tax revenue this could generate annually for state governments, at a rate of 6%: $1.9 Billion.....

It's pretty obvious that sevs has been stagnating for a while now. The news has been shitty and the forums have been for the most part unusable. I've been hard at work getting the new server set up, and all kinds of other non-sevs related shit, so I haven't really had time to write anything entertaining. The other editors, I really don't know what their excuses are. Everything will be back on track by Monday, by then we'll be on a new server, and have a bunch of other new features that are presently in development. Until then, we'll be hibernating.

If you want to help us out, one thing we are looking for is some contributions for our future Northport Legends page. Anyone who knows some information or a good story about some Northport's most infamous residents and places post 'em as a comment to this post or send an email. Think speakeasies, shoe booty, larkfield larry, musket, bongo man, etc. We know a little bit about most of the legends, but we're sure that some of you out there have some exclusive info or some better stories than any of us have. Anything you submit will help us as we prepare to build a page dedicated to all the legends and mysteries of the town.

note: The forums will be down until further notice. They are too slow to use in their present state, and are just frustrating for everyone who tries.

...the president choking on a pretzel is front page news.

Sevs news: Sevs server migration soon, performance should be a lot better within a week, bear with us for now. Sevs has passed 50,000 hits, yipee. We've gotten a couple submissions for the music spotlight already. I want to encourage everyone to let their musician buddies know about it, if enough people contribute, it's gonna be a real success.

If you follow the forums, lately you've noticed a lot of gibber jabber about some local bands. Now all the talk is just some stupid pissing contest, but it got us thinking of an idea: why not use sevs as a way to give some local bands more exposure than they might otherwise have. From what these bands say, they have shows and shit all the time, but personally, I wouldn't go to a show of a band I've never heard. Here's what we propose: any local musicians (bands, electronic musicians, mixers, rappers, skin flute players, whatever) send me one or more recordings you have done and we'll post it on sevs in one big event. If we're feeling saucy, we might even put it into some kind of shoutcast thing, who knows, but that's not really the important part.

This is not a contest, it is just a chance to let some people hear your music, and who knows, maybe make a fan or two along the way. Whatever kind of music you make, submit it, we want this thing to be a showcase of all the local talent (or lack there of) there is in Northport. You can submit anonymously if that's your bag, as long as you are from Northport, we want to hear your tunes. If you have a friend who's from Northport and is in a band or something, you could send in some of their material, as long as you have permission.

As far as submitting the material, an mp3 via email is the best bet, but any format will do, it is just more work for us. If the material isn't on the computer, give us an email anyway, we can accept tapes or cd's or whatever you might have and get it onto one. General rules apply: no copyrighted tunes, no crap, only stuff with a NPT origin. Hopefully this will end any whining about band x being better than band y, the people can decide for themselves. Who knows, with any luck, you could be the biggest thing to come out of Northport since Aesop Rock.

One last thing: on the submissions, don't whine about how this is a bad recording and your band acually sounds sooo much better, I don't want to hear it. I've heard stuff that sounds like it was recorded in a bathroom and it blows away studio stuff that probably cost $100,000 just to record, if the music is good, the music is good, period.

Submissions & Inquiries go here: webmaster@northportsevs.com

edit: We'd like this to happen within a month, so all entries must be received by Valentine's Day (2/14).

Word up, Sevs, this is the Exhalted Grand Leader Sassy B, comin' to yas from the thugged-out, krylon-stained, brass-knucked, crack-puffed streets, beetches! I figured I'd drop a li'l knowledge on all yo' asses, since it's recruiting time for the entire BMR organization.

Have you always felt like you were different from the other kids? When you friends were out smoking cigarettes and eating pizza, were you secretly masturbating into a sock? When the rest of the crowd was busy attending school spirit rallies, were you in the bathroom eating urinal cakes?

If so, BMR may be right for you.

The BMR Boyz are a world-class ghetto organization, specializing in mobbin', bombin', and busting mad freestyle. BMR members are a tight knit group of "wigged-out homeys".

Join today and get YOUR CHOICE of a free "Triple Fat Soul" or "Word Homey G" sweatshirt!

I want your soul I will eat your soul
I want your soul I will eat your soul
I want your soul I will eat your soul
I want your soul I will eat your soul
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
Come to daddy
I want your soul I will eat your soul
I want your soul I will eat your soul
I want your soul I will eat your soul

Ahhh Wahhhhhhhhh Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I want your soul

Anyway, there's a new poll up. The last one showed that a great number of you have shitty opinions. Wicked was picked and the lamest slang, and to those that of you that chose it, I hope you bleed to death from multiple intestinal hemmorages. Any of the other choices I could see as being considered lame slang, but I mean, wicked? I've never heard someone in Northport say wicked seriously. Fag came in second, which I can understand, because fag is really lame, but other ones which I had hoped would be top contenders came in next to last.

"Hooking up" was my personal pick, and to those of you who use this phrase, I hope you share the same fate as those who picked wicked, only replace death with eternal, perpetual agony. Here are some new "cutting edge" and "introspective" terms which you can use in place of the phrase "hooking up": giving head, eating out, fucking, and last but certainly not least (painful) having anal sex. And if by hooking up you just want to imply the short nature of the physical relationship, here's another "hot" term: one night stand. Hundreds of years of language evolution have gone into crafting these time honored phrases, and some of you want to come along and destroy it, well bollocks to you. Bollocks to all of you.

We lost a great man this morning, January the 8th 2002. Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's passed away from liver cancer at the age of 69.

Tennessee born Thomas grew up on the fast food superhighway, having his first experience working at a restaurant at the pre-pubescent age of 12. While working at a BBQ joint in Indiana, Dave had his life-changing experience. He met the legendary Colonel Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, or the hip old guy in the white on the KFC commercials for you youngsters. Dave moved to Columbus, Ohio where he took over four failing KFC's for his boss, who promised him a 45 percent stake in them if he turned them around. Thomas sold the restaurants back to KFC for $1.5 million in 1968, making him a millionaire at 35.

Dave opened the first ever Wendy’s Old Fashion Hamburgers in Columbus a year later in the eventful year of 1969. First man on the moon, Woodstock, first Wendy’s. Wendy, for those of you who are dying to know, was Dave's daughters nick name. Her real name was Melinda Lou. Over 6,000 Wendy’s Restaurants cover the world today, and more than 2,000 Wendy’s owned Tim Horton's cover Canada with delicious Dunkin Donuts substitutes.

The general public grew to love Dave starting in 1989 when he started his famous Wendy’s commercials in which he took part of over 800 up until today. Who could forget the introduction of the delicious Spicy Chicken Sandwich in the commercial featuring Dave in a battle of the taste buds, who had the spicier chicken, and who could handle it. Of course, Dave won, and his sandwich was perfect.

Head over to Wendy’s sometime soon, enjoy a Wendy's Single with cheese, mustard, pickles and onion; fries, a bowl of chili, a Frosty and a diet coke. Dave's favorite meal. Kick back and reminisce about the good ol days of Dave Thomas, and be glad the man in the white short-sleeved shirt and red tie started this chain. God speed Dave Thomas.

Cat's ultra-feminist man-hating ideas led me to write this post. She spoke some shit about men not being able to love. I say that's a load of fucking shit. Men fall in love very easily actually, faster and stronger than women even. Men even have more love to give than women. Women love very few in their lifetimes. Guys on the other hand, are full of love. Men love sports, men love fast cars, men love fast food, men love to feel big, men love big titted chicks with hot asses, men love to get their cocks sucked, men love sex, men love big screen tv's, men love action movies that have little plot. So go fuck yourself Cat. Actually, you admitted to doing that actually, so I cant dislike you too much. Although your reasoning and beliefs are shitty, saying men cant love, pish fucking posh, women are the non-loving culprits. Women only "deal with" stuff, they dont love shit, they only "deal with" shit. Women "deal with" men, women "deal with" cars, women "deal with" sucking on a penis(although there are some women that think like men and love to suck a cock, I salute you, you beautiful guzzlers), women "deal with" pretty much everything except for shoes, skirts, shirts, well you know, clothing in general. Hell, women dont even love themselves, they "deal with" their weight, their big asses, their small chest. Guys on the other hand, we love ourselves, not all of us have big black cocks, but hell we love our lil guys anyway. Also, not all guys cheat, and lets not just say that cheating is a man's game, because thats another load of shit, guys just have something called initiative. When a girl isnt happy with her man, she just fantasizes about some Fabio type with long hair and big strong arms squeezing her boobs and invading her body, guys dont go through that trouble, we just go out and get the newer better model of woman. In short, women cheat with their minds and guys go out and cheat.
Guys love a lot, women just dont love enough.

1. I will use more drugs.
2. I will get older.
3. I will make any bad habit I have into an even worse habit.
4. I will spend more time sitting and less time standing.
5. I will continue to breathe.
6. I will procrastinate more.
7. I will eat more healthy foods, but I'll pour gravy on them.
8. I'll try to piss outdoors more often.

It's gonna be a tough year trying to accomplish all this, but I think I'll manage. Feel free to share your own.