As I write this, I am in fact awake. I am not asleep. In addition, it seems to be 9:30 AM according to my system clock (which effectively illustrates the power of the random-number generator within my computer). But today the time my clock shows is correct. Well, within an hour anyway. So that leaves the question - why the fuck am I sitting here typing instead of resting comfortably in bed, having fantastic dreams involving creative uses of my genitalia? Why indeed? I have three words for you, friend:

LOUD FUCKIN' MEXICAN YARD WORKERS.

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Well since you all enjoyed the last list of ways to recognize a fag in our school i felt i had left some out.
Here it goes starting from where i left off.
8.If he brings in a thermos of coffee in the morning and sips it little by little so he can make sure it lasts the whole thrity minutes form the time he gets off his bus till the time the bell rings so everyone can see how cool he is.
9.If he wears those girly woolen mammoth sized GAP mittens with the cheesy designs.
10.If He rolls and/or frays his jeans at the bottom.
11.If his tight baby GAP muscle shirts dont reach the waist of his pants and he stretches profusely in the commons to show of his manliness.
12.If he has skating shoes and they're not worn for skating or a snowboarding jacket or backpack and he sucks or just likes the design.
13.If he wears that godforsaken ATTITUDE cheesy ass old torn up Northport Football shirt

Well this is all i have for now i hope you all enjoy and remmeber beware of these kinds of homos
*note if you have any ideas for this continuos article email me at escobar@northportsevs.com and ill put it up

We took down the last poll, it was pretty gay. Sorry. As we suspected, weed won (this is Northport after all), with liquor coming in second, followed by beer and Rock & Roll in a tie for third. One thing I realized in hindsight is that I forgot MDMA and mushrooms, which are both pretty popular. That might have tainted the results, but this isn't rocket science, so we don't really care. Enjoy the new poll. Make sure you vote, there's no signing up or new windows to open, we hate shit like that too.

Hello, my name is Chad, and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first post for Northport Sevs, so I will try to make it a good one. This is the true story of the best 35 dollars ever spent.

The night starts off with my brother, his friend John, and myself heading to a party in some bumfuck town out east. I'm the designated driver for the night (sucks to be me, right?), so we are cruising in my 1984 custom Club Wagon. You may be asking yourself what the hell is custom about my van, well the answer, my friends, is a rape couch. Full 3 seater couch where a 3rd and 4th row of seats should reside. Not only is this couch excellent for raping, it is also perfect for molestation of little boys and/or girls. If you have any younger brothers or sisters, tell them to always accept candy from strangers, and never turn down a ride.

So anway, we get to the party (I use the term party very loosely) and it's a bust. About 15 people sitting around a poorly lit pattio, no one is talking, the crickets are chirping, the whole nine yards. A fairly typical situation, I'm sure you all know exactly what I'm talking about. We spend about 20 minutes there, and a few more people show up, but nothing develops. At that point everyone, including the kid whose party it was, leaves to go to another party that we had found out about. We get back in the van with a new passenger, a friend of my brother's who we'll call England.   click more to read the rest  

I just put up an about page for the site. If you are new to the site, (you all are, it's a new site for the love of jeebus) you should give it a once over. It explains what Sevs is all about, and has a note about the features of the site.

This shithole of a town may not have much action, but one thing we do have is bowling. The next time you head out to engage in a game or two, follow these handy tips for added fun!   click more to read the rest  

Well i have took it upon myself as a personal mission to further educate the intellectual with a word you should all become farmiliar with...

The word of the week is GRUNDLE

If you were wondering just what the grundle is, it it the rectangular patch of epidermis stretching from the juevos to the red eye.

Note:If you are not sure what the last two terms are tune in next time for the answers in the next Daily Word.

Cock-blocker: (kok-blok er) slang: An individual who hinders a male's ability to make physical contact with a desired female (or male in some fucked up situations).

Being my first article for sevs I thought that I should start everything off talking about my least favorite type of person, the cock-blocker. They come in all shapes and sizes, yet the majority are fat and ugly (no offense cock-blockers but you usually are very fat and very ugly). Also, cock-blocking is not gender specific, a cock-blocker can be either a male or a female, or one of those shemales where you really aren't sure what kind of equipment they're playing with. So always, and I mean always be on the lookout for potential cock-blockers (right now I'm tired of typing cock-blockers each time so I'm just gonna say cb's. Got a problem? Well go fuck yourself. I'm lazy and I don't care what your problems are, and I'm sure you have lots of them so go get help you psycho).   click more to read the rest  

I mean really, have you ever sat down and watched "The Wonder Years"? Every time I hear his annoying voice I wanna ram my fist down his throat. Same goes for that girl Winnie. What the fuck kind of loser ass name is Winnie, anyway? If I got to direct an episode of "The Wonder Years" I'd put Fred Savage in a car chase scene. Then I'd have gangsters shoot out his tires, and he'd spin out and go off the side of the bridge. That'd teach him.

PS: Gangsters kick ass.

Once every year our school becomes plentiful with beautiful freshmen girls and there almost always guarenteed to be smothered by a big 250 lb benching putts or his want to be wigger 4 foot tall cronies. A note for all the freshmen out there.
1.If he tries to get in your pants by telling you he saves the world by making a trip to nicaragua every year, then well you guessed it hes Gay.
2.If he happens to be any junior then well you can probably bet on him being Gay too.
3.If he wears matching clothing made by polo or tommy, hes gay.
4.If he gels his hair over the top of his visor and/or does the same with oakley sunglasses then hes gay too.
5.If he wears an abercrombie shirt and a pair of abercrombie pants on the same day.
6.If he talks about last weekend all throughout the week on how he was soooooo wasted well hes gay.
7.If he has a diamond earing and wears a nike headband hes def gay.
Ladies please take notice of these seven things and be sure to stay away from those guys who fall in these catagories.

If he really is gay give him a high five because the real ones are nice

The other day after I made a burger, and as I was putting the ketchup on, I noticed the "no watery stuff" cap that Heinz has recently put on it's plastic bottles. Other than being unattractive as well as completely and utterly nonfunctional, this new cap is also a clever marketing gimmick perpetrated by Heinz.   click more to read the rest  

I love receiving spam. Whatever you want - be it absolutely FREE (yes FREE!!!) psychic readings, kEwL cYbEr LotTeRy opportunities, Korean fetish pornography, or insurance quotes - it's *all* available through the wonderful world of spam!   click more to read the rest  

I like cheese. But see, moldy cheese is fucking disgusting. On the other hand, all cheese is mold, but that still doesn't mean your mom's not a ho.

Hello, my name is the Baron, and this is my site, NorthportSevs.com. My goal in the creation of this site is to serve as a hub for all Northport online activity. It's intended to give people a common place to find out what's going on and give them a chance to voice their own ideas. Report rumors, read an article, shoot the shit, do whatever you want with Sevs, it's all about what you want to do. We have a team of about 4 editors who will be providing the bulk of the content for this site, but we still need more, so email me and let me know if you want to help. Not all the functions of the site are functional yet. Actually, only this news page and the forums are up and running, but within the next day or so, it will all be ready for consumption. Tell everyone you know about this site, because without a large fanbase, this site will be useless. Rock out with your cock out.