This just in from phil who wants to tell u about what happened to the van website.


"Well spaceports seems to have already booted the Van from it's server after a record one day for crude and vulgar content. Dont worry the site will be back ASAP on a new server with 10 TIMES cruder content for those who enjoy freedom of speech. So chill out for now cuz the site seems to be down"

And by the way the van will be filming stuff in northport from October 6-9. So stop on by if your cool or really hot.

Nelly - Ride Wit Me, what this song was made from.

If you roll through the town of NPT
I got some news bout the cars you'll see
Some got stickers, pirate cove or KT
They're gay, you'll soon believe

WHEEEEEEEE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
must be dean
cruisin his loud ass rice machine
hitting on girls that are just preteen
whyyyyyyyy
doesnt he go for something older?

New car in the lot? Must be Clay's
Gets a new car every couple days
oh whyyyyyyyyyyyy
do his parents spend the money?

Kevin Bloms got this truck
lowered rangers really suck
the paint is unique, definitely his
even looks like he supplied the jizz
oh whyyyyyyyy
Did he spend the money?

I know something you dont know
And I've got something to tell ya
You wont believe something bout pirate cove
A racer and this hottie, he nailed her

Mclaughlin got with this shorty we all know
all the guys sayin way to go
being nice cuz the truth is clear
that shit musta took lots of beer
oh whyyyyyyyyyy
is he that lucky?

When ill bill gets a car it'll be fly
just cuz he's an ill sorta guy
he'll pimp the inside to maintain his groove
when he macks the ladies bustin a move

If you gonna roll through npt
There's some dope cars that you might see
Rape van, impala, or red saleen
and there aint no stickers sayin KT
oh whyyyyyyyyyy
Did they spend the money?

A party at the VA is always better than a party at the Pit, but that's not saying much. Everyone and their brothers were there tonight, and the atmosphere was pretty decent considering we were stading around in an open field with no light other than the moon. Drunken little girls were running all about acting like drunken little girls. Jason Haber seemed a little exasperated when he said this gem, "I'm drunk, where are you going? I JUST FUCKING CAME FROM THERE!" Tonight was pretty well organized, but not quite up to the level of last week's. There were no fights this week, sorry to say. There was also a surprise entrance by Bongo Man as the party was winding down. For those of you who don't know who he is, Bongo Man travels around with his boombox and cart full of bongos entertaining the town in the best way he knows how, Playing music!. Rock on Bongo Man, rock on. Sorry about the lack of pictures, we'll make it up to you next time.

In other news, we updated the poll. It seems that 11th grade has the hottest girls, and girls like eyes and dick. We're sure that some guys voted on the girls poll (we're actually 100% certain of it), but we think a large majority of the votes were female ones. I mean, no guys (besides [insert name of someone you think is secretely gay]) are gay enough to vote for eyes and smile as the best features of a guy. You can check the results of all the old polls by hitting the archive button next to poll. On our new poll, just vote on what you think of the truck, not the owner of the truck.

The Van site is back up. Check it out. It looks a lot better than it used to, and is definitely worth checking out.

Pit was damn lame as always. There was a really good tasting keg, but even that's not enough to make standing around in the woods worthwhile. The only way you can enjoy yourself at the pit is by having glass with you. People will seek you out, and then smoke you out in rapid fire fashion. If you do it right, you can smoke all night and never pay a cent.

As you all know, on Tuesday, September 25th, we showed up at school only to find 1000 or so kids standing around outside. Why? Because of a gas leak in the L wing. The fire department, police, national guard, and motherfucking pentagon were called in. They took decisive action. And by "decisive action" I mean "spraying a bunch of water around inside the school". Everyone knows that water destroys natural gas. Around 9, us kids were starting to get restless (beating each other senseless, having sex in plain sight, etc.), so the school administration took a good careful look around inside the building and, not seeing any colorful clouds of gas floating around, declared the danger averted. Throughout the course of these events, Mr. Pam lost approximately 81 pounds by speed-waddling between the various masters to which he is a helpless tool. Before long, we all had to march back into the gas-filled school, to meet our certain deaths. By some stroke of luck, we did not meet said deaths. But dammit, we COULD HAVE. I mean, I'm not a graduate of Common Sense University, but even I wouldn't send over a thousand kids into a building with gas line problems.

Those wacky administrators! OROPALLO 4-EVA!!!!

rip

If you go to northport high school and or live in the surrounding area you probably have come in contact or seen northports own racing teams, KT Racing and Pirate Cove racing.
You're probably wondering what does kt stand for....well i tell you it stands for the (little) Kid Touchers. If your wondering why they dont have a l in the front of the name because it also stands for the so called Kress Tavern....which is a place in eastnorthpuertorico that caters to all gay swingers in the area. The most humorist part of this KT racing is that the nicest car happens to be a lime green subaru wagon which does 0-60 in a record breaking 35.99 seconds.
The second so called Racing "gang", "crew", or "bunch of faggots" whichever you may choose to call them is the Pirate cove racing....formally known as butt pirate racing. Composed of a few fags not coming close to the number of losers that make up KT Racing. Included in this gang is the Notorius Rich Mclaughlin knows for his child molesting and flirting with nasty girls, and the best car happens to be a Passat which by no means is a fast car.
In all as a warning to all high schoolers or soon to be high schoolers please if you see any of these kids with gay stickers on their car give them the finger and laugh at them. Also if the car is parked try your hardest to remove the sticker.

Let it not be said i aint a brother who doesnt care

Last night myself and 3 other associates had a very ill Keg party in the VA woods. Contrary to some people's belief we did not use the sevs guide for a good party. What we did to plan this party was we sat down in my room and packed my bong for a while. Once u are good and lit the ideas flow like water. The next party will be even better planed and more well lit. There were some random fights as there always appears to be. A bitch fight even allthough I dont think Fox qualifies as a bitch fighter she is hardcore. The cops never came to break up the party, they did however come to give medical aide some some fuck who got knocked out. They never came back into the party though.

---

Smoke Weed

Just a quick analysis of the night. Party at Maletta's was broken up by his brother before things could get interesting over there, and the two other rumors I heard were busts. There was allegedly some crazy party off of Waterside, but I have received no confirmation of this. If you were there drop a message to let us know how it was.

Because of popular demand from some people I will tell everyone how I started busting moves. It was back in 1999 when I was a super fly freshman I started to wander around the commons and started to make some noise in the Junior well. It evolved when there was a whole bunch of gum on the floor and when I had to get by I started jumpin and moving my arms and stuff. then it became popular and I was told to do it over and over again. When I started doing it in the sorphmore and senior wells mr runion got pissed off saying "they are taking advantage of you" and crap like that. So then I did it more and that really pissed him off. One day in 2000 there was some senior breakdancer trying to be all cool so I was like take this and I did back flips and spun on my head and I totally schooled him. One of the highlights was when I was running for class president and everyone said bust a move so I started break dancing in the middle of my speach and everyone made alot of noise. The next year I joined the van and I went on a mission of busten moves sporadically and the list of places I busted moves was in the gap, the tavern, the docks, in front of old people, in front of middle school students, at taco bell, the bowling ally, at the train station and at 7-11 when I was on the securty camera. This elevated me to superstardom. This has its draw backs. This year a whole bunch of freshman punks said bust a move and I am like "if you want some, come get some, if u dont like me, bite me". I'm illbill 1000 and keep it real.

As you can see I've done some rennovation to the front page here. As far as functionality, not too much has changed, but if you find any errors or things that don't work well, don't hesitate to email me. In the last poll, raw hardcore porn won as what you'd all like to see more of. Thank you all for voting the gag choice to number one, it reaffirms my belief that people are idiots. Out of the real entries, party reporting came in first with humor articles and how-to's trailing way behind.

On the new polls we'd like to ask you not to vote on the for the ladies poll if you are not of the female persuasion. We here at sevs intend to find out what women want in a man once and for all (other than constant physical and emotional abuse), and we don't need you little fuckups messing around with it. You can still see the results without voting by clicking the "view results" link underneath it.

I just wanna throw out some quick links for some sevs supporters. Sassy did a little redesign on Celery Club and the riggs are looking better than ever. Alex just pounded out a brand spakin' new design for InsideAlex, and is improving the content too from what it looks like.

For those of you who voted for Raw Hardcore Porn, we've decided to give in and let the people have what they want. Enjoy. Make sure you check out the forums too, they are seriously getting out of hand.

Although Im not big with parties, I think I was the only Northport sevs bloke at one last night, so I'll give a little report. Elise Sabitino had a pretty good sweet sixteen party, without the usaul parents, candles and other sweet 16 bullshit. Alotta nice birds, good little bird fight, and cops came around 11. Heard about Kelly Dervin having a decent little beach party out on the neck. Some people said it was mellow and relaxing, others said it was dead. And thats pretty much it. peace

(This post is an expanded version of the one found in this posting in the forums.)

It actually *is* possible to throw a decent high school party, but it requires a few things most school-aged kids know nothing about: Time, Effort, and Class. Use my system and instead of standing around in the dark, you will be laughing it up with the boys, making new friends, and later, tagging drunken, chubby teen chicks, while creating a lifelong rep as a real party poodle.

Making this work is not easy, but it will establish you as a man among boys in the lackluster world of high school parties. Keep reading for some specific tactics to make your next shin-dig really swell.   click more to read the rest  

For those of you who were not aware there were 3 kegs and massive amounts of heads in the VA woods where the woops used to be. We carried the first keg in already taped while a soccer game was taking place. Hash decided to have a keg party on a vacant field in Belrose park and stole most of the business for a while. After he realized what a stupid idea it was for him to do that he let us take his keg and he left. By the end of the third keg around 12:30 the party was pretty well done. Unlike the pit the VA woods does not have people living near by, this means NO POLICE.

Last night the Baron asked me to do some recon on the pit party for Sevs. The pit, for those of you who don't know, is a valley in the woods next to Elwood road. It's just a cleared, unlit area with a keg and a shitload of kids. I knew that I would be in for a lame night, but in the name of journalism I accepted my mission reguardless. Here are some file photos I took at the early in the night (click on the thumbnails for larger versions):

Ill Bill representin'.	Myles looking a little dazed.
Blom looking for more people to do a bukake on the hood of his truck.	Everyone gathered around the star of the party.
Excitement.	Rico knows that it isn't a party without Bacardi.
Shouldn't these two be off saving the world somewhere?	Scherrer doing his best impersonation of a deer in the headlights.

More people came after these were taken, but nothing exciting went down. A few people tried to start a fire, but it burned out pretty soon after it was lit. Matt Fitz tried to get a USA chant going, no one was in the mood though. Chris D'arco smoked regs, and then spent the rest of night trying to deny it. Hash sold cups and complimented chicks on their tits. The police showed up before 11, and with them came the end of the party.

On thursday of this week cops dealt a cripiling blow to weed flow in this town. At first you would think 150 pounds... It must be regz, and you would be wrong. Thats right 150 pounds of hydro. Dealers who usually have pounds were holding an ounce or 2. There are dark days ahead for the stoner community in general. STOCK UP now if you can.

A dire warning goes out to all Northport students:

We've all gotten used to the general bitchiness of the teacher aides - those rare creatures that somehow manage to menstruate continuously 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. But this year, a new aide is afoot, and she's out for BLOOD. YES, BLOOD. The aide in question is in her late 30s/early 40s, and has short black hair. She is equipped with sensitive radar devices which track any particles of food that may enter the commons, as well as a bad-ass attitude which she'll then shove down your throat. I myself was in the senior well seeking nutrition in a tasty bag of doritos just the other day when I was somehow picked up by her sensors. This not being the first time we had locked horns, she issued me several vague threats ("ONE MAW TIME AND YA OUTTA THE COMMONS!!!111 I'VE HAD IT WITCHOO!!!1"). Unfazed, I proceeded to hide behind Chris Trimarchi, but she saw through the maneuver. Before leaving, she gave me the finger several times and threw a brick at my head. Okay, she didn't, but she WANTED to.

Beware of this unbelievably bitchy aide. Run for your life if you see her, trampling herds of freshmen if need be.

Hey all you crumb bums, the recent poll has now been closed and it seems NPT likes their dumps like a truck, truck, truck, guys like what? what? what? butt. Face came in 2nd and the good old funbags came in 3rd. Yes friends, girls equipped with dual front airbags are subpar to girls that are bootilicious. Now that that muck is cleared up, we the editors are sorry to say that you npt dirtbags arent voting enough on our posts, and just arent contributing like you should be, This site is for npt kids to get the shit they think is funny on the net, got pics of a party, drunk chicks, hell, pics of colossal bongs with nice glasswork would be appreciated. If you have faces in the pic that you dont want to be on the net, well we'll black that shit out for you, or you can do it yourself before you send it. SO what this means in general is that this is your site. We just make things run like Frank Corrigan, so send us some shit so that we can get this site to the level of popularity it should be.

p.s. We will not be doing best npt slut, because we feel that people will misunderstand our purpose. We at npt sevs do not discriminate sluts, we salute them. So sluts, I am sorry to say you will not be bestowed with the honor of being npt's best slut, but keep on slutting.

Word to tha NPT GANGSTAS
Tru Bad Boys For LIFE...

Treatin' those bitches like hoes
rich white boys wit blonde corn rows
tru bad boy for life

Momz bought my beamer
Dad hooked a jag
Roll up to school
like a lame ass fag
tru bad boy for life

Thumpin' the subs
cruisin' round on dubs
mom and pops got the wealth
so let's fail out of health
tru bad boy for life

They ain't goin' nowhere
They ain't goin' nowhere
They will be failures
But they're bad boy for life

Toke weed or marlboro pack
when the E wears off
just smoke that crack
Chew those shrooms
and snort that coke
Be a tru bad boy for life

10 years later
still a hardcore skater
tru bad boy for life

years before
you slept with that whore
herpes on your dick
tru bad boy for life

Hating's ok
as long as it aint player
cuz theres a bunch of kids
that just couldnt get gayer
Abercrombie this, Gap that
gellin' your hair
over the brim of your hat
tru bad boy for life

I got some fat arms
so I got a shirt with no sleeves
those weak ass clowns
give me dry heaves
but they're bad boy for life

They ain't goin' nowhere
They ain't goin' nowhere
They really aren't going anywhere because they have no lives

The French have long been known as the most dispicable people under the sun. Those filthy assholes whose women don't shave and whose men can't win a war are the undisputed scum of the earth. One thing they have given us is some interesting language, so I guess they aren't all bad. Here are some expressions for you to use the next time you want to impress your date.

French Tickler ('french 'ti-k(&-)l&r): A phallus shaped piece of rubber or plastic often used to simulate sexual intercourse. AKA: Dildo, Dong, Rubber Cock. There are all sorts of variations on the tickler, including the standard dick, cock and balls, double-headed, ribbed, beaded, vibrating, strap-on, the list goes on and on. A fun thing you can do with one is bring it to a party and secretly put it in a drawer somewhere. Later, take it out in front of a crowd and pretend that it belongs to the host. This is sure to cause permanent emotional damage for the host, but that's not your problem, now is it?

French Safe ('french saphe): A rubber sheath intended for the prevention of pregnancy and/or disease. AKA: condom, jimmy hat, pocket protector, rain coat. The French Safe, once only used by sailors, has in current times become necessary if you don't want to catch AIDS from dirty sluts. It's fun to blow them up and use them as decorations, or you can stretch them out and put them on your head. We here at sevs recommend the ribbed variety for her pleasure.

Here is a picture of robot Frank. He is this robot who lives in the city and rases hell and kicks an ass or two in the way. this is the caption he made for the picture on the top. Here's me gettin' down with my bad self in times square.

Somebody driving by was blasting "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and I just couldn't help myself from bustin' a move. (Who can?!) I have the cd single and I just put it on repeat for 24 hours at a time. No I'm just kidding. That's my neighbor, Bob G. He has a Baha Men t-shirt. Except it has blood stains on it now... Most of his shirts do though. That's just a part of being my neighbor.
As u can see he can aslo bust mad moves to www.robotfrank.com

We've put up a new poll for everyone to enjoy. We especially want the ladies out there (all two of you) to take the time to vote. You don't have to be a lesbian to know that women are much more beautiful creatures than men. In our last poll "driving around aimlessly" came in at number one with a bullet, proving once again that Northport sucks if you need something to do. Northport isn't all bad though, if you like living in a town with the racial diversity of a vanilla milkshake, or enjoy listening to teachers bitch about how terribly under-paid they are, then it's an excellent place to call home.

Henry Nasiff Jr. passed away yesterday at the age of 39. You may know him as Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf from the Howard Stern show. The cause of death is presumed to be liver failure, but a full autopsy is in the works.

Roses are red, boats are made of teak, we're going to miss you, you little freak.

With school starting right around the corner, we're all gearing up to do battle with the insane teachers of NHS for yet another year. As any Northport student knows, the faculty recruits only the most deeply disturbed penitentiary inmates when looking to hire. Occasionally, rational, sane people and/or actual human beings slip through the cracks of the process and wind up teaching classes at our fine school. It is widely suspected that Mrs. Oropallo kidnaps these people, nails them to the gasoline-soaked, burning crosses on her front lawn, and sells them into slavery in small African countries no one's ever heard of (i.e. Canada).

Yours truly was lucky enough to avoid the most psychotic teachers this year. Other unfortunate bastards, however, aren't so lucky. Keep checking back approximately every whenever-the-fuck-I-feel-like-it - I'll be periodically posting a series of strategy articles that will give you handy tips and tactics for dealing with the most obsessively demented teachers!

Later,
rip

Ladies and gentlemen, we've passed the 1000 hit mark. We'd like to thank you all for nothing, 1000 hits is what we should be getting every hour, so tell all your dirtbag friends to get the fuck over to Northport Sevs. We plan to have the site fully operational and ready for defcon 5 within the week, including the rumor bin, and a features page that will blow you away. With your help, we'll keep Sevs going strong. Now for a little bit of audience participation. One of our polls in the near future is going to be for the best NPT slut, and we'd like to hear from all of you who you think should be in the running. Old or young, fat or skinny, bald or hairy, firm or saggy, we want to know who you think the best sluts are. Post all your nominations as coments to this post, or send one of our editors an email.

Well if you are a freshmen sophmore or junior and your not getting much if any play from the girls in your grade dont worry there is still a flicker of hope. You have always wondered what being a senior is like well have i got news for you its looking better and better everyday. Take a minute to think of all the hot girls you wish you could have gone out with or still do and then remeber those assmonkeys who were 3 years older and dirtbags who they were going out with at the time. Well my friends the beautiful thing about that is soon they will go to college or work at metro. This makes one of three things possible......(1)They continue the relationship long distance, pretend to stay faithful and still hookup with people,(2)Dump the loser,(3)Or "take a break until they can see eachother again". Heres comes the kicker,
Either way there going to need some lovin and youre the only guy left to give it to them, girls wont go a grade down because that would be embarrasing so dont despair high school has some booty in it for you, you just got to stick around long enough to cash in on it.

Today's phun topic: Fanatical Ultra-Fundamentalist Christians!

Yeah, the kind that have to douse themselves in holy water every time they hear the word "shit". The ones that live by the maxim "Jesus loves you. Unless you're a nigger or a fag, in which case he wants your flesh to burn." Conclusive studies do in fact show that these individuals are 100% retarded. Plus they smell.   click more to read the rest  

keep scrolling down if you want something funny to read, this isn't
Here's a little theory that I have come up with that you might enjoy (it might have been proposed before I thought of it, but I have never heard of it). I theorize that everything is predestined, but not in the traditional sense of the concept. I believe this because of the universe being governed by an absolute set of rules, and that everything in the universe is affected by these rules (I will just refer to these rules as physics for simplicity's sake). My understanding of physics is that if you could get all the variables that affect an object, it is possible to calculate where it will be the next moment. Now it is not possible for us humans to make these calculations exactly due to the fact that we do not have instruments that can measure with absolute precision. Another roadblock to us being able to get anything useful out of this theory, is that the amount of variables that have an effect on something are infinate. Although we cannot calculate exactly what something will do, "physics" can and does.   click more to read the rest